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Happiness. We all want happiness, it’s part of our DNA. As a transformational coach and leading expert on mindset, I have yet to meet anyone that says they want to lead a miserable life. Sure, we may have a day we want to stay in bed and just be okay, but in general, we are all seeking this thing called happiness. We want it in our homes, in our relationships, in our jobs, in our families, with our friends, with our hobbies; we want happiness in everything! The truth is, we all want it, yet we find ourselves going through the motions of life just existing and aiming for this idea of happiness that we don’t know how to achieve.
What is this thing called happiness? There is no one true definition of happiness. Animals bring some people happiness, other people they bring aggravation. Traveling the globe brings some people happiness, other people they find it to be exhausting. Cooking is a source of happiness for many, while others find it a chore. There is no one true definition, it’s individually determined.
Happiness doesn’t just happen with a task or a hobby, rather it is a feeling that can be felt 24/7. Optimally, we want to be happy all-day-every-day. We don’t want to feel happy just sometimes, or at different points of the day, happiness is something we always want to feel. It’s why people that have a chemical imbalance go to the doctor and get prescribed medicine so they can have that release of serotonin and feel good consistently throughout the day.
What if I told you there was a clue to finding happiness 24/7 in your life? This clue would unlock Pandora’s Box and on the bottom of the box, there would be an unlimited supply of happiness.
It’s quite simple actually, and what people don’t realize is, it’s so easily identifiable not only to them, but very easily spotted by the people around them.
If there is any amount of suffering in your life then you can’t have happiness 24/7. But, do we even have a concept of what is suffering?
Anger. Resentment. Gossip. Embarrassment. Fear. Frustration. Lack. Boredom. Impatience. Agitation. Anything that doesn’t make you feel good. If you are in any of these states you cannot also be experiencing happiness.
I heard from a client once; “Jen, but you don’t understand, I have to worry. I have two young girls and I need to pay for their college one day.” There’s this idea that if we worry about something that it will then get resolved. Or, if we fear something that it will go away. Or rather, if we get frustrated then the problem will solve itself. The truth is, none of these states of suffering produce results; only results produce results.
When I asked this client to tell me more about why she was worried, what we uncovered was that it was a belief that stemmed back to when she was a child and her parents’ worry about her own education, which they paid for. Therefore, she deduced that worrying about college education would produce the intended outcome. I asked her how she felt about being in this state of mind. She didn’t like it. There were days she didn’t sleep well, and it was having other adverse impacts on her health.
I then asked if by her worrying made her more money (did she close deals with a client when she was in a state of worry)? She said she didn’t, in fact, she hid that from them because she wanted them to be at ease and wanted their trust. She realized the unintelligence in her belief system (that worrying isn’t what will get clients to trust you and sign with you) and I asked her what would be a more powerful belief to support her goal of paying for her girl’s college education.
“That worrying doesn’t produce a higher paycheck and it only has adverse effects on my health. In fact, it distracts me at work, which is likely clouding my mind and keeping me from working at 100%.”
As a coach, I couldn’t have been prouder. My client was able to move from an anxious state into a state of peace, she didn’t have to be anxious to get the intended outcome and it was likely holding her back from her potential at work. The clues are in the states of suffering. As obvious as that may sound, the truth is that many of us do not realize what is suffering. As we start to pay attention to our feelings, then we can tap into the underlying belief system that is causing us to be in suffering. This is the Pandora’s Box of beliefs that have been accumulating since your first memory, your first dog bite, your first bee sting.
Each one of us owns that belief system, just like we own that definition of happiness, and we have the ability to change it. If your spouse is a jerk, make a new decision that he’s not (you fell in love with him one time and didn’t think he was a jerk). If your kids are annoying you, make a new decision as to why they’re not annoying (maybe you’ll find them endearing qualities because you see they’re their own unique, tiny human beings).This is our Pandora’s Box that holds all answers to happiness. Once new decisions are made around what is causing the suffering, then the happiness potential us unlimited!
Whatever it is, it’s in your mind to control. Your happiness is yours to define. Your suffering is created in your mind. Your belief system is created in your mind. Once you become aware when you are in a suffering state, then that’s your clue that something is wrong and it’s an opportunity for you to turn it around, which only you can do!